nalle117

Okay, so it's been a while since I have updatet anything, and I can only say my life have change a whole lot since last time...I startet at this new school, and thought it was a very creative school, which after only 3 weeks there, turned out not to be. So I startet looking for other schools, and found this amazing one, where all you do is making music, and I mean, you tour around the country, you're in the studio recording, you learn have to mix things together and how to control the sound, and you get paid for it! So off course I wanted to go to that school, cause that's everything I want. But, I didn't really wanted to swift school right away, cause I had the biggest crush on this guy, so that just made it all more complicated. Luckly after this introduction trip we went on, we kinda hooked up, so now we've been a couple for 3 weeks. So, I finally feld like I could swift school, but the there was this entrance excamination, where you have to, in my case, play some guitar, so that they could see if you could anything at all. That didn't went well for me, cause as stupid as I sometime is, I had been to a party in the weekend, and gotten really sick, plus my boyfriend(that feels weird to say) stayed the night at my place, cause we only got to my place at like 4-5 in the morning. Off course we couldn't really sleep, which really wasn't a good thing, cause the night before, it had been my birthday, and all my girlfriends had stayed the night at my place, and we've only got like 5 hours of sleep that night. So we finally came to monday, where my big test came, and I was sick, haven't slept and extremely nervous, so it really went like shit for me. The day after they called me, and told there wasn't room for another guitarist right now, so I had to check out one of the other lines. Serioulsy, whole tuesday I was just crying, cause not only is it everything I want, but I've got a lot of friends on that school, so my world just crushed for me. Wedensday I called the school, and asked for if the theater line had room, and they only would know on monday, and that just annoyed me even more, cause now I had been at home for like 2 weeks without doing anything, and I hate doing nothing. Friday the school called me up yet again, and told me there was room for me on the theater line and most likely also at the music line, and that I have to come in on tuesday at 8:30, so I could get on one of the lines(obiviously music, or I hope so), so I can get startet...So this have basicially been my week or two, and it's been a nightmare. Cause not only have I been busy with changing schools, suddenly it also seems like everybody want's a piece of my time, because I have met like 40 new people the last two weeks, and I don't know, they want to know me, because it's my boyfriends friends...Yeah, very confusing...And I've got a lot of problems with one of my friends, which isn't helping either...So if you think it sounds confusing, try to actually go trough it...This is the first time I have some time for myself in god knows how long, so I just thought I would share my busy life with some of you guys:D

It's been a while since I have updatet anything, but I've been so busy lately...haha:D So, I just started on a new school, which is awsome...There's a lot of really nice people in my class...However, even though I like it a lot, I don't know how to put this...Have you ever been a place, and you know it's not excatly where you suppose to be? To be honest, I only go on this school, cause I want to be an musician, and if that doesn't work, I have something to fall back on...I hoped that when I started I would find some to make a band with, but I'm not really sure if there's anybody that's interested, or have the same dreams as me...which sucks...haha:D But the good part is, that I'm gonna get a lot of experience, you know, to play with others and perform infront of an audience...But I'm so, so looking forward to the day, I find some people who truly understands me, and want the same things in life as me, and I'm temptet to say that I would travel anywhere, if just someone told me too...And I probably will, the day I'll get some money...haha:D So say the word, and I would go...haha:D But, be serious about it...haha:D

Bye from me now, leave me a note, I'll try to answer a little more in the furture...haha:D

Wauw, I just started remembering a lot of things, that I had forgot...I know it sounds strange, but it's like everything I have tried to forget, just are coming back to me...Both good and bad things...Well, mostly bad things sadly...Also, it feels like I have been gone for a year, like away from my friends and family, even though I have been here all the time, but my mind have/is just a whole other place...I think it will always be, well, at least when I'm here, cause it just feels like no one completely understands me, you know what I mean? And it's about everything, I mean, on a weird way, I just feel like no one else...Seriously, here is everybody just like "I need a good eduacation, a good job, I wanna get married, have kids" and stuff like that...But I'm not like that, not at all...I'm more of a dreamer, you know, after 3 years on the school I'm going to, I wanna be in a band, move to USA and try to make there...But here it's almost like it's forbidden to feel that way...That's probably why I sometimes choose to live in my own world, until my dreams will come truth...Is that so weird?? Some think it is...But in the moment I don't care, cause without dreams, no life...But that's just me...

Sometimes people ask me what kinda songs I write...Well, to get a idea of what I sometimes write about, heres one...I just wrote it, and it might not be the best, but well, here it is:

Verse:

 

Standing outside the front door

Looking my future in the eyes

The first time I ever felt

So sure about anything

I'm ready, I'm ready

It's my choice

It's my life

 

Chorus:

 

Oh yeah, it's a new beginning

And oh yeah, it's a new seeing

So just look forward

Never more backwards

Oh yeah, I love this beginning

And oh yeah, this is new way of seeing

 

Verse:

 

No one can tell me what to do

Only my self

I feel sure about this

I'm ready to take the step

The first step to no regrets

I don't even know

If I'll ever return

But it's fine with me

 

Chorus:

 

Oh yeah, it's a new beginning

And oh yeah, it's a new seeing

So just look forward

Never more backwards

Oh yeah, I love this beginning

And oh yeah, this is new way of seeing

 

Verse:

 

It's my turn to find myself

Cause for the first time I know

This is who I am

Maybe it's just a dream

But I said no, no, no

 

Chorus:

 

Oh yeah, it's a new beginning

And oh yeah, it's a new seeing

So just look forward

Never more backwards

Oh yeah, I love this beginning

And oh yeah, this is new way of seeing

 

Verse:

 

Can't you see the walls breaking down?

Can't you see that the sky finally turns blue again?

Can't you see me, can't you see me?

It's time for me to disappear

Disappear from all of this

I'm ready to go away

 

Chorus:

 

Oh yeah, it's a new beginning

And oh yeah, it's a new seeing

So just look forward

Never more backwards

Oh yeah, I love this beginning

And oh yeah, this is new way of seeing

 

Chorus:

 

Oh yeah, it's a new beginning

And oh yeah, it's a new seeing

So just look forward

Never more backwards

Oh yeah, I love this beginning

And oh yeah, this is new way of seeing

 

Maybe I'm not gonna look back

Cause I'm just looking my future in the eyes...

Okay, so it might not be the best, but when I write songs, I write about what I have experienced or what I'm thinking about...So yeah...This is just a little part of what I'm thinking about...haha:D

Today I got a letter/package from the school I'm going to the next 3 years...I seriously got butterflies in my stomach when I opned the package, 'cause it's this school, where my main classes will be music, english and art at a high level, and it's just gonna be amazing!! Seriously!! And espicially cause I hope to meet someone that wanna make a band and so, so it's really important for me...Anyway, I got like the class list to, and well, theres like 10 boys out of 28 or something, but that's okay...My last class there was 4 boys out of 16, so...But I'm so, so looking forward to it, event though I first start at like 11. August, so there quite a long time, but man, it's gonna be great...Can't wait...Well, I hope it's gonna be great...haha:D

Well, I was at Metro Station's concert in Copenhagen last saturday, and I can only describe it as AMAZING!! Seriously, I had the time of my life...Me and my friend took the train at 12:27 from Århus that afternoon, and about 3,5 hour later, we arrived to Copenhagen. And just to mentione, I wasn't aloud to go, and like my parents thought I was at my friends house, and was staying there for the night, but no, I ran off to Copenhagen, and it was so worth it. Anyway, we finally came to Copenhagen, and then the real challenge came. We had to find the venue. We have never been in Copenhagen without anyone knowing where we is, so it was like scary/exciting at the same time. But after like an half hour or something, we finally found the place. There we met the worst girls that lived in Copenhagen(we have something in Denmark, where people from like Jutland have a lot of prejudice angainst people from Copenhagen, and the other way around), and seriously, we couldn't see where the line ended, cause people were like sitting in groups, like everywhere, so we thought, "hey, why not sit in the front, so we can come close to the stage", and that would have been what everybody would have done. So they were like "you have to move" and "move, or are you stupid or something", and we didn't move right away, until this nice lady came and nicely asked us to move. Anyway, it really pulled down the mood for like an hour. After some time waiting, Metro Station arrived, and seriously, everybody went crazy. After they got into the venue, we couldn't do anything beside waiting again. But, after some time waiting, Metro Station left the venue again, and everybody once more, went nuts. Then at 18:30, they finally opened the doors, and we were let in. After getting our bags to the wardrobe, we finally got into the place where everything would happend. So, we didn't got up front in the start, and we had to get through with the 2 supporting bands. After that, the concert finally started. And it was AMAZING!! It was so awsome!! Seriously!! And it was like being at a big party or something, and I finally got up almost in the front. And there weren't like that sercurity room between the stage and the audience, so we got really close. And they were so amazing live, and they kept throwing water at us, but that was just fun. And I got a plect, something from a waterbottle and something from one of their bracelets, and it was just, wauw...But, but, another really cool thing happend, cause afterwards, we got to see them leave, and then Anthony from the band, always films a lot of stuff when they're at tour, and make what he calls "Ant Cam", so when he came out, he was filming, and I'm pretty sure I'm now on "Ant Cam"...haha:D So afterwards, there was nothing to do, but get to the train station, and get home. But we met this really sweet girl from Finland, and she had to get the same train as us, and she were like in Århus for like a week or something, so we have been hanging out with since the concert...haha:D But amazing trip, and even though I only got like 3 hours of sleep, I would so do it again;)

 

And today I just was at my graduation, wich was a bitter/sweet moment, cause it's kinda of sad to like leave everybody, but now I have a wonderfull summervaication ahead, and that keeps up my mood:D Sorry for the late update, but I have been really busy lately...haha:D

I just feel like I have swichted the day around...Seriously, I'm up all night and sleep to much of the day...It's not good...That's what you get when you have studybreak...haha:D Cause seriously, my scheduale for the next two weeks are: Friday this week, english exam, Friday next week, math exam, Saturday next week, Metro Station concert, Friday in three weeks, graduation or whatever it's called...And all the days in between, I pretty much decide what ever I wanna do, off course study for my exams, but I'm kinda lazy when it comes to that, so I always only start a day or two before...But what a freedom...haha:D I have been hanging out with friends, playing guitar for like 80% of the time, whatching movies and all the stuff I usually doesn't have time for...Wonderfull:D Thank god for studybreaks...haha:D

So, yesterday/this night I had my last schoolday. It was sooo awsome, so much better than last year, words can't even describe it. So after we had breakfast with the teachers at the school and after 9th grade had played a basketball match against the teachers, and after we(10th grade) had played a soccermatch against the teachers, the day could finally really start. First we just went home to get rid of some of all the stuff we had with us in school, and then we went to a park, called Mindeparken(if I had to translate it, it would be the memorial park), and then the drinking began. And that was like at 12:00 or something. But every year, all 9th and 10th grades that lives near the park, meets there and listen to some music, drink a whole lot and just hanging out. And theres always so many people, really thousands or something, and almost everybody have a costume on, so it's so funny. Then around 16:00, and I was like really drunk at that moment and really sunburned, me and my friend went home, and I got ready for the party that would start at 20:00 that evening. So I like got an hour to take a shower and get all ready, while I was drunk, and that was hard...haha:D Anyway, then we were a couple to meet and get some dinner, and then we finally got on the bus to Solbjerg(that's the city where my school and all are). The party was in this barn and it was so cool. We had doormens, barmens and DJs, so everything was so good. And then we got even more drunk, like really, really drunk and danced and fooled around all night and the party went on until 03:00-03:30 and I was home at like 04:00 or something, and woke up with the worst hangover in history. But that's a night I'll never forget!! But even though it was so funny, it's kinda sad, cause I'm so gonna miss all the people from Solbjerg, cause this have been the best year of my life so far:) Simon, Alex, Søren, Oliver, Amanda, Stine, Julie Roland, Julie, Jose(Josefine), Sofie, Nathja, Cille(Cecilie) and Maria thanks for a fantastick year with you guys in my class, I'm gonna miss not hanging out with you everyday:D And thanks for the best night of my life(well, maybe except from Fall Out Boy's concerts i've been to;D)

XOXO

Wiii, Metro Station comes to Denmark!! Ive gotta go see them!! Seriously, it's not often someone good comes to Denmark...Omg, it's sooo awsome!! I'm a little hyper right now, it's amazing!!:D I hope so much I can go see them, so much!! Wiii:D:D:D:D

So today I was invited to an 18th birthday, at this girl that I really like, she's really one of the sweetest girls that I know...But the problem is that I don't wanna go!! First the party was at saturday, and I told her that I had plans with my friend(That I actually have), and then she pushed the birthday party to friday, just so I could come!! The reason I wont go, is that there's gonna be no one I know, and that's not usually a problem for me, but the kinda persons that comes, is like all very scary, and they just have the worst influence on one!! Seriously, no one is in school, they all just hang around and drink, smokes and so drugs every day, and it just makes me so uncomfortable...So I had to talk with my mother, and for the first time, and probably the last time, had to ask her to deny me going to the party...But I just feel so evil, and I just wanna cry, but I just woulnd't stand to go...Does this make me an evil person?? And I usually love parties, but her family and friends just scares me, and it's a really bad environment...I just can't go...And now my parents wont let me go, and even though I asked them to not let me go, I still feel like a bastard...

Yesterday I went to my cousins confirmation, which is a very normale thing here, it's like a sweet sixteen kinda thing,but anyway, at the party after the church, we got so much food...I never think I ever have eaten as much as I did yesterday...Seriously, I can't even look at food right now, without feeling like I'm gonna vomit or crack or anything...I might first start eating tomorrow, I can't have anymore food in me...hahahaha:D

P.s, my written exams are finally over!! Wiii....haha:D

"What do you say we leave for Carlifornia, if we drive all night we can make it by the morning, and no one has to know if we decide to go..."(Metro Station, Carlifornia;D)

I think I'm addicted to that song right now...I would do anything if I just could leave without even really think about it...Take me to Carlifornia;)

Can anybody tell me how you sprain a ankle, and you don't even know how?? Seriosly, I was in school today, and my foot started to hurt, and I just thought a had a bruise or something, but it just got worse and worse, so when I got home, and took my shoes of, it was just like twice as big as usual, and blue and everything, and it hurted like hell!! But I have no idea how it happend!! It was okay last night when I went to bed, and okay all the morning, and most of the day in school, but then it just start to hurt...How?? Well, I'm quite unlucky on that point, and I often get hurt, but how can you get hurt without knowing it?? Really, it kinda freaks me out...haha:D

I have been watching sweet sixteen a couple of times on MTV now, and I just can't stop laughing every time I watch it...Maybe because where I live, we don't have sweet sixteens. We can't drive when we're 16, we have to be 18. So watching the girls/boys that getting like the most extreme parties and best cars, is like, wow...You know, I think everybody that lives here and are watching the show, think it's so over the top. I mean, how come can a 16 year old get everything so extreme?? And here, even when your turn 18 and you can drive, no one or at least not that many, get cars. First we have to get the licens, and it cost a lot, and after that, you have to save all your money if you want a car. So it's crazy to me. But the thing we can here when we're 16, is we're aloud to drink, and buy alcohol yourself. So in that way, we get some crazy parties anyway, but we don't spend like 100.000 thoundsands on it. And I respect that that's the way it is, (maybe a little jealous), but I still think it's insane...haha:D And then funny part is, that I would at no chance even get a party as big as they do, when I'm 18!! Wauw...I mean, wauw, and a little bit, what?? And I still remember this episode when this girl got 2 cars! I mean, 2 cars!! Come on, who need 2 cars?? Like in my home, we only have 1, and my mom doesn't even have a licens, and she have never driven a car, and then this girl get 2 cars!! I mean, come on...haha:D But hey, I can drink, and when I'm 18 I can get into every club I want...haha:D

Okay, do you sometimes feel like that your dreams will never happen? That your dream to big? Well, that's the way I have felt the last week or so. Mostly because, and not to sound like a totally "oh everything is so bad for me" kinda person, cause it isn't. You know, I have everything I want and need, well almost, cause I have only one in this world that really support me with my dreams. My really close friend, that I probably couldn't live without. But I don't feel like I got anyone else, and that just stood clear for me last week. I was down visiting me grandmom, and we have like the worst relationship you could imagen, but everytime we meet, we have this fake facade, where we act like evrythings okay, and believe me, it isn't. She have been so cruel to me, eversince I was a kid. But now she just pushed the limit. As I said, I was down visiting her last week, with my family, so not enough with I have to be critizied in every possible way, I had to hear how perfect my sister and brother are, and that's not funny. Anyway, then just to like keep on the facade, I told her how happy I am to play the guitar, and how much it have helped me trough things, cause I used to play handball(a very european sport), and I had to quit, cause I was bullied so much at the end, that it just took all my selfesteem away from me, and then I started to play guitar, to like, get my mind away from it, and it helped, cause I have never felt better than now. But then my grandmom told med, and I qoute, "You can might as well just stop playing, cause you'll get nowhere with it, so just stop playing that silly guitar and get a proper eduacation", and that hurted me more than anything else. Seriously, I'm used to her telling me how ugly I am, and that I'm not the smartest, and I listen to bad music, and all my friends are stupid, and so on. But thins really hurted me, cause guitar are the only thing I'm certain about in this world, and the only thing I wanna do. So is it just me there are dreaming to big, or should I just keep going, with almost non supporting me? I just feel so confused, and so mad, and sad, and I just wanna disappear, never come back to this crappy place, with all the worst memories you could imagen, I just wanna break free, and get I chance to be the best me I can be, and don't worry about what other people are thinking, are that to much to ask for?

Well, I'm sick at the moment, and then I always start to think a lot about things. Especially one thing keeps coming up in my thoughts. Have you ever felt like you at the wrong place, but it's still right? What I mean, is that I'm happy where I am now, but I know it's not where I'm suppose to be. I feel like there's bigger things waiting for me in the furture. I'm also one of those people, that gets bored being at the same place to long. That's maybe also one of the reasons why I want to be a musician, not only because my passion for music, and the fact I can't live without, but maybe also because there's always happening for something new. There's never a day that look like the day before. Also a thing I wish my world would be like. So now I feel impatient, and I'm restless. Why can't the furture come now?? Also I have this idea of my "great escape". One day I'll just disappear, be in a band, who have the same dreams as me, and then travel to USA and try to make a break trough, and in that way just disappear. Not necessarily tell everybody about it, just disappear. I know it might sound stupid, and like a bad idea, but that's how I feel. Nothing more, nothing less.

OMG, it was no doubt the most unbelievable amazing night in my life!! After the two supporting bands (The Sound and Kid Down) finally got up in the front, and I mean all up in the front!! I seriously could see everything!! It was sooooo cool!! I was in Joe's side(the left for me, if anyone didn't know), and also kinda close to Patrick. And I just love them! Really love them, no matter what! And they played the most amazing show ever!! They started with "Disloyal order of water buffaloes" with, you know those guys also playing drums, I can't remember what their names is...Anyway, it was the most awsom way to open the show, it was so cool!! And then they just played a whole lot of songs, and joked quite a lot on stage and fooling aroud and were just sooo amazing...And the best part was that I caught one of Pete's plects and then the songlist that was taped to the stage, Joe ripped it off and threw it out to the audience and I caught that one to!! Or half of it...haha:D And I was kinda of lucky to get the plect, cause I first just touched it, and then it feld on the other side of the bars, and then there were this security guy that I had been talking with before the show(I had been seperating from my family, and they apperently was on the balcony, so I was alone), and because I was alone, I got to talked the securityguy, who was really awsome, and he picked up the plect and gave it to me...He had picked up some before and just thrown them out in the audience, so I was really lucky:D So now it have become a necklace, that I will wear all the time...haha:D But it was so amazing, and I would wish it would never end...I already miss them!! I wanna go back...haha:D(I'll post some pics and maybe some videos later)

All have secrets. And everybody have someone to tell their secrets. I have secrets, not that many, but I have some. I have one in the moment, that I don't feel like I can tell my closes friends, and I hate that I can't. My secret is that I smoke. I'm not proud of it, and I know that it's so bad for your health. But sadly I can't stop. Well, that's the point of it, but I hate myself for doing it. But it's my choice, and I take all the consequences for what I'm doing. And not only when it comes to smokeing, but everything I do or say. And I'm not a bad person because I smoke, I would never force anybody else to smoke, and it just a thing that makes me calm and makes me feel like I can handle the day a little better, and not being so stressful. So it's one of my flaws, and it's kinda like my choice. Please, don't look at me at a diffrent way, cause I'm still me, just with my own little flaw.

But the worst part is, that only very few people know. I wish I could tell everybody, so that they wouldn't be suprised to see me with a smoke. But I just don't feel like I can tell anybody, not my sis that I usually tell everything, not my cousin that also know everything about me, not my friends, no one. And that kills me. I don't think I can tell them, cause I'm afraid that they'll be disapointed. And I can take people being disapointed over me. So what can I don? Now I'm like hide that I smoke, you know, smokeing out the window, and then eat a lot of gum and put on a little perfume, so no one will figure it out. But don't, please don't look at me as a bad person because of that, just let me have this little flaw for myself. Hope you won't jugde me because of that.

Well, I'm leaving for London tomorrow, so I wont be avalible for the next week...Or not at least until friday:) But I'm so looking forward to this trip, it's gonna be so awsome!! We're just gonna be doing do many diffrent things, and see all kinda stuff...I have been to London before, when I was like 11, and that was with my famliy, and this time it's with my class, so this time it's gonna be with friends, so we're gonna have so much fun...Well, I will probably be writing about it on friday, but until then, peace out from me...Have a nice week everybodyXD

Well, this weekend so far I haven't really slept, I have been listening to almost only "Metro Station", one of my new favourite bands, and been watching to much tv...And then just hanging out in town with a friend of mine, and got my ears piercied even more, now I got like 6 piercing in my ears and I don't think it will end there...haha:D And then I have been so close to accidently smoke again...But I haven't!! Crazy that you as a 16 year old try to stop smoking...haha.) Well, I never got like a seriously smoker, more like a party smoker that once in a while also smoked at normal days...Kinda sick...But I only started cause everyone I used to hang out with did it...Stupid...But now I don't anymore...almost:s I haven't been smoking for 3 months(well, I was at a party where I accidently got a couple of drag from a "friend", but it was only because I was drunk and didn't really was aware of what was happening aroud me)....But man I have the worst headache, and I have to pack for London tomorrow and alot of other shit...damn, I never gonna make it in time...haha;)